October 21, 2020
Not on the same page as your partner when it comes to parenting? You are not alone. How do we get on the same page is one of the most frequently asked parenting questions we receive.
No two parents’ parent the same. Because of life experiences, including how they were raised, it’s not uncommon for parents to have different parenting styles and priorities. The goal is to find ways to work through parenting differences and find solutions that both parents are happy with and implement.
If you and your partner can’t agree, it leads to inconsistent parenting practices. Inconsistent parenting practices are problematic for children as it sends mixed messages, and they are never entirely sure what they are supposed to do and who they should follow. For example, if you believe that your child must do chores, but your partner doesn’t, how does your child know what to do?
When dealing with conflict resolution, Harvard University’s course on conflict resolution recommends the following things: (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-resolution/conflict-resolution-strategies/)
- Recognize we all have biases
- Overcome the "us vs. them" mindset
- Look beneath the surface to identify deeper issues
- Separate pseudo-sacred from sacred issues
When parents use these strategies, they can find solutions that work for both parties. Using these strategies in conjunction with Effecting Communication and Decision Making (SODAS Method) helps parents do just that.
Effective Communication allows you to feel heard and understood, while Decision Making helps you find solutions that work for both parties.
You can find the skills on the Smarter Parenting website: https://www.smarterparenting.com/
If you need specific help finding solutions for getting on the same page, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
October 14, 2020
Most children don't like being corrected. For some children, that correction can be difficult and paralyzing. Children who struggle more than normal with being corrected may be suffering from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria means that they don't handle rejection well and get very upset if someone criticizes them, often to the point of focusing only on the criticism. For example, you could give a hundred positives about something they did well, but all they will remember is the one small criticism in a 100 positives.
Children with ADHD tend to be more prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and can believe they are a problem instead of having a problem.
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is real and can cause difficulties in relationships, school, and jobs. They tend to blame themselves, focus on the negative, or have trouble believing any praise given to them.
Correcting Behaviors' goal is to help them see that the correction doesn't mean they are a terrible person as the Teaching-Family Model skills are relationship-focused.
By being faithful to the steps, your child can see and understand that correction doesn't happen willy-nilly, but rather you are on their side to help them learn. It also helps them to realize that you are not here to punish them.
Correcting Behaviors can be incredible in helping your child deal with their Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
If you're struggling with knowing how to correct your child best, sign up for coaching in the Smarter Parenting club and let us find tailored solutions for your family.
For full show notes visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
October 7, 2020
As parents, we have limited time to invest in our children. We can, though, make our investment count--even with limited time. How? By focusing our energy and efforts on the areas that will create the most return by using Effective Praise.
Effective Praise helps you focus on what your children are doing well, no matter how small, and letting them know what you saw.
Using the skill of Effective Praise builds your relationship in multiple ways.
- It signals to your child that they matter. When children feel like they are valued, they are more likely to respond positively to correction.
- It focuses on the positive instead of the negative. Where we focus our energy is what will grow. The more positive interactions we have with our children now, the more positive interactions we will have with them in the future.
- It helps your child understand what is expected of them. By pointing out the positive, you are encouraging them to repeat that behavior in the future.
- It strengthens your relationship. Your child will trust, respect, and love you because they will understand that you are there to help them grow and be successful and they will not want to disappoint you.
Effective Praise doesn’t require huge effort or time, but we promise the return will be incredible.
Learn how to give Effective Praise by visiting SmarterParenting.com: https://www.smarterparenting.com/skills/effective-praise/
If you need one-on-one help to implement Effective Praise, join the Smarter Parenting Club: https://www.smarterparenting.com/coaching/
September 23, 2020
Under the best of circumstances, children can have a hard time staying focused and staying on task. What kids--and families--are experiencing during this time is not normal.
Having to frequently check-up on your child and correct their behavior can exacerbate the pressure you're under. When parents feel overwhelmed, it can be easy to respond in ways that we can make the problems worse, so it's important to learn Correcting Behaviors' skill.
The way we correct our child can either damage or strengthen our relationship with them. Because of this, it's essential to be strategic in how we address problems.
When a correction is given with love and trust, your child will grow up feeling that way. If corrections are given from a place of anger or frustration, your child will grow up feeling that they are the problem instead of believing they have a problem that needs to be solved.
If you are struggling with addressing certain behaviors, we recommend creating a script of what you will do or say. Having a script allows you to stay focused on what needs to happen and not get distracted.
If you are struggling with helping your child during the pandemic, this is the podcast for you!
If you're looking for individualized parenting help, join the Smarter Parenting Club. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
September 16, 2020
As parents, we want to teach our children to function without us. We want them to know what to do in any situation. We want them to be able to be an advocate for themselves. We want them to be successful at school, work, and in their relationships.
If we want our children to know what to do when we are not around. We have to Role-play it, and then Role-play it repeatedly until they are comfortable and know how to do it. Without practice, it is hard for children to remember what they are supposed to do as our brains only remember so much information at a time. It’s the practicing that makes something real to a child, not the words we tell them.
Role-playing is an often underutilized skill, but it is one of the most important ones in preparing our kids for the future. You can Role-play with both young children and teenagers. You can Role-play any situation, from making friends, knowing how to interview for a job, or what to do when someone is mean.
Role-playing doesn’t require any fancy equipment; it just requires us to be consistent.
If you're looking for help, we have the Smarter Parenting Club. Join today!
September 9, 2020
Welcome to episode 100! We are so grateful for all of you and look forward to the next 100 episodes!
We are excited to announce the Smarter Parenting Club. We know that families have different needs. The Smarter Parenting Club aims to meet families where they are, with three different levels. You will have access to exclusive content, podcasts, videos, coaching, and so much more in the club.
Sign up today! We can't wait for you to join us. Club.Smarterparenting.com
Giving consequences that work can be tricky. Frequently when giving a consequence, parents tend to go to the extreme, which leaves parents nowhere to go if it doesn't work.
A consequence aims to teach our child. Consequences are not punishments. When giving a consequence, parents should ask themselves, "What is the least amount of consequence to get my child to stop the negative behavior?"
Consequences must meet the five components of Effective Negative Consequences.
- First, the consequence needs to be immediate and should happen as soon as possible after the negative behavior.
- Second, it needs to match the inappropriate behavior.
- Third, you need to be able to follow through with consequences every time the negative behavior happens.
- Fourth, you shouldn't give the same consequence for all negative behavior.
- Fifth, the consequence should mean something to your child. If the consequence doesn't mean something to your child, they have no motivation to stop their negative behavior.
Learn about Effective Negative Consequences on SmarterParenting.com
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
We can’t wait to see you in the Smarter Parenting Club!
September 2, 2020
One of the best ways to create connections with your kids is to acknowledge what they are doing. We all want to feel that someone sees us.
Observe and Describe is a beautiful tool to help parents deepen connections with their kids as it allows them to describe what is happening without judgment or emotion. This is especially helpful when children struggle to communicate or if communication tends to be hostile.
When you use Observe and Describe with your child, or anybody for that matter, it signals to them that you are present and that what they are doing matters to you. This knowledge will strengthen your relationship as they will feel that they can come to you about anything, and you will be there for them.
The more you use Observe and Describe, the more your children will reciprocate and show you the respect and understanding you are showing them. Which will help them to better understand and communicate with all people they come in contact with.
The world can be a challenging place for children, but knowing you see and appreciate what they are doing will go a long way in helping them feel secure with themselves and their place in the world.
Even though Observe and Describe is simple to do it holds so much power. For more information on Observe and Describe visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
We are excited that we will be launching the Smarter Parenting Club. Stay tuned for details. Sign up today. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
August 26, 2020
Helping kids go back to school, whether in person, online, or a hybrid, is different this year.
Knowing how to best deal with all the new challenges and unknowns can feel overwhelming. How do you keep your kids safe from Covid-19? How do you balance online learning and work responsibility? How do you keep kids focused?
In today’s podcast, ADHD Parenting Coach Siope Kinikini tackles those very issues and shows parents what they can do to find solutions that work for their family and their situation.
You can prepare and help your child find success this year. Just because it’s different doesn’t mean that it can’t be a great year.
This is a podcast you don’t want to miss!
For additional resources, full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/
Join the Smarter Parenting club and get access to exclusive content. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
August 19, 2020
You can feel hopeful for the future. Yes, even in trying times, it is possible to feel that the future has incredible opportunities.
Every generation has faced struggles and challenges that have required new thoughts and preparations. Those who thrived were those who learned how to prepare for future challenges.
You can do the same. You can help your child do the same too.
Think of yourself as an airplane pilot. When you're able to predict and prepare for what is happening ahead, it's comforting to your child. Not only do they see that they can trust you, they also feel empowered because they have things they can do to weather what is coming up.
It's exactly what the skill of Preventive Teaching does. It allows you to prepare your child for anything that may happen in the future and gives them strategies that they can use that will work. When children feel prepared, it will reduce anxiety and increase their confidence.
You will love this podcast. You will feel comforted by the fact that you can help your child and have a bright and beautiful future.
Sign up for a coaching session through the Smarter Parenting Club and be filled with hope for the future of your family. https://club.smarterparenting.com/
For full show notes and transcript visit: https://www.smarterparenting.com/adhd-parenting-podcast/